We at G@H are notorious foot draggers. We mean that literally. When we walk, we actually scuffle. Our friends can hear us coming from several hallways away.

Walking like a troll takes a heavy toll on our shoes. We don’t often buy $100+ footwear. To do so would be like leaving an aged porterhouse alone in a room with our dog—a treat but also a real waste.

That said, a gentleman must look the part. Some occasions call for swanky kicks, and you need at least one nice pair in brown and another in black. We recently got these Lenox Hill Split Oxfords from Cole Haan. Aren’t they handsome? We adore them to a degree that some may find unhealthy. We keep them locked in a biometric safe and only liberate them for the most special of events.

If you invite us somewhere and you see us wearing these shoes, you know that we’re all in. If not, please don’t feel poorly; few occasions make the cut.